


Scenario 01 – Kissing Cousins

by stranger12



Series: But I’m A–! [1]
Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: Accidental Incest, Alternate Universe - Crack, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-19
Updated: 2015-03-19
Packaged: 2018-03-18 15:15:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3574407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stranger12/pseuds/stranger12
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The grand Gilmore tradition of old of keeping things in the family strikes back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scenario 01 – Kissing Cousins

Rory nervously looked between the members of the Huntzberger family. Shira, Logan’s mother, looked stiff and she seemed stuck in her uncomfortable smile, while Eli, Logan’s grandfather, scowled at everything and everyone, even his innocent salad. Logan looked fine with the atmosphere, though Josh and Honor were nearly trembling with anticipation and dread. Rory was glad her family wasn’t so formal and cold.

“I can’t take this anymore!” – Honor finally snapped – “Okay? Josh and I love each other and we’re getting married, whether you like it or not!” – she shrieked a little, and Rory winced. She felt for Honor and Josh, it had been bad enough her family hadn’t liked Dean or Jess, but not liking the person she chose to marry? That would suck big time.

“Yes, yes, dear, we did notice the massive ring on your finger, congratulations, dear” – Shira said flightily and Honor started.

“What?”

“Josh is a fine young man, and you have been together for years, it wasn’t that much of a shock” – Eli commented, rolling his eyes.

“Oh. Okay. Thanks, I guess” – she looked at Josh, now gaining some color of his cheeks, and smiled happily.

“Rory, on the other hand”

“What?” – the girl questioned, turning to Shira. Logan stiffened beside her.

“What about Rory?” – he asked defensively.

“We’re sure she’s a lovely girl, Logan, but this is just...” – the woman shook her head with a pained expression.

“How could you do this, Logan!” – Eli bellowed – “There was no other young woman at hand you could’ve taken to?!”

“Excuse me?”

“She is completely unsuitable for you, son. For our family” – Rory couldn’t believe what she was hearing, and clearly, Honor and Josh couldn’t either. Logan, though, was not frozen in shock.

“What are you even talking about!” – he exploded – “How is she not suitable?! She’s a Gilmore, for God sakes!”

“Exactly!” – Eli cried – “Don’t you know anything?”

“Clearly I don’t, so enlighten me, mother, grandfather” – Shira made a noise in the back of her throat.

“Rory, I’m sure you’re a lovely girl, but I know you wouldn’t want to continue this little relationship with Logan anymore than we do”

“... I’m sorry?” – Shira and Eli adopted annoyed expressions.

“I don’t know why you are pretending to be ignorant, young lady” – the man tsked – “Surely you understand why you and Logan are not a suitable couple”

“No, I don’t”

“Yes, please enlighten us” – Logan demanded, grinding his teeth.

“Logan, son” – Shira started – “She’s a Gilmore. Great granddaughter of Lorelai and Charles Gilmore”

“Yes, so?” – Eli shot his grandson an irritated look.

“For God’s sake. You forget who my mother was?” – Logan frowned.

“Well, kind of. I never even met the woman”

“Her name was Amelia Gilmore, Lorelai’s younger sister” – everyone on the table under forty widened their eyes, and Rory gasped.

“Ew!” – she couldn’t help it.

“Are you serious?” – Logan asked, looking disturbed.

“We wouldn’t fool around about that, Logan. I’m sorry Rory, but surely now–?”

“Oh God, no” – she moaned and intently looked at her hands – “No extras” – she mumbled. She turned to Logan, who looked at desperate as she felt – “I’m sorry, Logan, but– Well. Ew. Ew, ew. This is worse than finding out my great grandparents were second cousins!”

“Oh yes, there is that” – Eli mused – “Uncle Charles was a great man, you know”

“I’m gonna be sick” – Logan said, putting a hand over his mouth. Honor laughed nervously.

“But they’re just distantly related, right?” – she asked, her awkward laughter dying at Logan and Rory’s expressions.

“Well...” – Shira started, and Rory and Logan turned to her in dread.

“You do recall that my brother–in–law was Straub Hayden, don’t you?”

“Ew!” – she turned to Logan – “Your grandmother was a Hayden?!”

“A Robinson, actually, but she became a Hayden...” – Logan trailed off. Rory shook her head in disbelief.

“Your grandaunt is Francine Hayden?!”

“Yeah...? Do you know her or something?”

“She’s my grandmother!” – she yelled, and Logan nearly jumped off.

“Okay, that is way too close for me” – he stated, scooting his chair away from Rory.

“Oh my God! I can’t believe this” – Rory started breathing deeply – “Okay, this is not so bad”

“It’s not?” – Logan questioned, surprised.

“Of course it is! Are you crazy! Oh, God, I need to leave”

“We rode together”

“Crap”

“Give the girl some money, Logan” – Eli said – “You should make sure your cousin makes it back safe”

“Oh God, we’re cousins” – Logan moaned.

“Double cousins” – Rory reminded him – “Thank you for dinner, Mrs. Huntzberger, Mr. Huntzberger. Honor, Josh, congrats and bye”

Rory and Logan rushed out of the room while keeping a healthy distance from one another.

“We’re not together anymore, right, just to be clear?” – he asked, patting himself.

“I would very much like to forget we ever– God, ew” – Logan handed her way more money than she would need for the ride back, but neither was going to mention it, especially when Rory hesitated to get that close to him.

Mitchum came striding in just as Rory was grabbing her purse and coat.

“You’re Rory, right?”

“Yeah, nice to meet you, sir” – they shook hands gingerly – “I should leave”

“Wait, you’re leaving?”

“Definitely. Bye, Logan, Mr. Huntzberger. See you on the next family reunion” – she winced and Logan cringed.

“Bye, Ace, text me when you get back”

“Yeah, sure”

After she was safely in a cab back to Yale, Rory shuddered several times, then called her mother.

“Mommy” – she whined on the phone.

“Hey babe, what’s wrong? I thought you were going to dinner at Logan’s parents?”

“I was, and oh God, mom, it’s horrible”

“What happened, are you okay?”

“Let’s just say that next time I see grandma and grandpa, you’re gonna have to help me explain to them that dating your cousin is not cool”

“Cousin?” – Lorelai remained completely silent on the other side – “Well, you are my parents’ pride and joy, they’ll be happy you tried to keep the bloodlines close”

“... I hate you so much right now”

“Love you too, couz”

“Oh my God! I’m hanging up now, bye!”

She shivered so often on the ride that the cab driver asked if she was okay. She mumbled an affirmative and continued shuddering until she got to New Haven.

Needless to say, she stayed far away from Logan and didn’t date anyone without finding out as much as possible about his family. Or their family.

Ew.

**Author's Note:**

> Keeping the bloodlines close is one of the funniest things on Gilmore Girls to me.
> 
> Not sure about other scenarios, but will take suggestions. =D


End file.
